In the military we had the call-signs "Banger". I always added an "H" after the "G" when the facility was slow at night and none of the important people were around. I wasnt even thinking and accidently said "Bang-Her" over the radio. I didnt think the pilot had caught it but the very next day I was doing a tape transcript.
When in the military (was meant) a pilot taxied without his playmate; he called me on ground as a flight of 2 but told him I only see yourself. He then asked me where his playmate was to which I replied,"I don't make the big bucks to decided who plays with you". arty:
One time working local I cleared a Citation X for takeoff...he got 1/4 the way through the roll, and said he was aborting takeoff. I taxiied him back around to another runway and the sup told me to ask him the reason for aborted takeoff....so
Me: "N1234, say reason for abortion."
Pilot: "I had bad trim."
I was laughing so hard for the next couple minutes that I couldn't even work the rest of my planes without cracking up.
Not that I slipped up in saying this or anything, but I thought it was definately a funny communication between myself and the pilot.
Not a slip up, but 2 F15 squadrons had just got their own bird bath (trip the panel, spray the plane, wash the salt off) built. One of the squadrons were the Fighting C o c k s. We loved it when this one female controller would be in ground and a young "c o c k y" Lt. would say, "Kadena Ground, Razor11 flight of 2 request taxi to park via the C O C K Wash." She would say, in her most sexy voice possible.........."Raaaazor won won, Kaadeena Ground, taxi tooo thaaa C O C K Wash." That lasted all of a week before a female KC135 pilot overheard it and raised hell. Fun times.
This one is kinda X rated but figure everyone is adult enough.
SO in the military I was working with a guy he was on local and I was on ground. He was telling us how his night was last night with this girl. He had just gotten off the line with approach for an IFR release and didn't release the line properly.
Mic hot to the entire approach control room.... "And I F***ed her in the @ss and... oh shiT!" We all had commanders call the next morning.
This one's not mine, but it's very funny, so I thought I'd share:
A colleague of mine was working the tower, and he accidentally pressed the foot pedal while looking through the binoculars. As he was lowering the binoculars view to look at his "middle leg" he shouted: "DAMN IT, MY C*CK IS SOOOO HUGE"
I don't have to tell you the look on his face when he realized the mic was on and he was transmitting.
And another thing that happened recently in the Area Control Center here in Skopje. There's a company called Mediterranean Air Freight whose ICAO code is MDF and callsign is Medfreight.
However, when we coordinate internally between sectors, we call him Madafa*ka (the three letter ICAO designator) and one time, a controller presses the mic and goes: Madafa*ka 123, climb FL.....mmmmmmmm correction, Medfreight 123......" the entire room was cracking, we couldn't work for the next 10 minutes or so
Different perspective on this one. I was flying short final in a 172 with a 152 taking a sunday stroll off the runway. Controller was telling him to get off the runway and was telling me to do a go around because it was so close. When I finally taxied off the runway he was like Cessna 1234 Call tower when you get out. I freaked out thinking what I did wrong but couldn't think of anything. Turns out he was screaming at me on ground freq. to do a go around...
We recently had an A-Star helicopter at my field who was carrying equipment about 400 feet below him strung from a cable(something used to check density in mines and mountains). He came back to land one time with his equipment hanging and I had a few in the pattern... I issued this traffic call:
"Arrow123, traffic 4 miles South inbound for the helipad is an A-Star with a large hanging load"
The arrow pilot came back and said, "roger, we'll keep an eye out for his load".
We couldn't transmit for about 2 minutes we were all laughing so hard.
I was working a PAR fiinal and someone told a joke and got to the punchline just as I got to the "I have you loud and clear" but because I was laughing it came out as a muffled "I luv you loud and clear" pilot came back "I love you too!"
not mine but another controller here used to work at ZAB. A military flight called TAC(had a 3 or 4 star onboard) came through the same time TACO1 a mexican flight(reason I don't know the name) came through. The controller switched TACO1 and kept calling TAC TACO.lol. Finally the TAC pilot yelled we are "TAC TACTICAL AIR COMMAND DO YOU UNDERSTAND", and the controller goes "TACO1 ROGER"arty::lol::lol:
This happened in Iraq...you can get away with a little more over there... Working approach one night I had three aircraft holding to come inbound. I let all three know the sequence which was going to be C130, KC135, then C5. The KC135 pilot keyed up and said that I could let the C5 go in front of him since he (the 135) had plenty of gas. I immediately responded with "plus he's a little bigger too" in a joking manner. The C130 pilot says right away "but size doesn't matter" and little did we know that the co-pilot of the C5 was a female who without hesitation keys up and says "Ohhhh yes it doooes". I think I fell in love.
I was crawling around under the consoles in Puerto Rico looking for strip holders one morning. We had a CAG in town and ground had 10 or so fighters taxiing when I put my knee on her foot pedal. She said " Stop it, you're making me hot. Get off, I'm hot!" for about 5 seconds before I moved my knee. The freq was alive with questions like: What's your name? I'm hot too, are you busy this afternoon? for the next 10 minutes. It started all over again after the recovery. The F14 pilots were meowing and growling at her to boot.
Setup: ARTCC using old PVDs with broad-band backup. Narrow band failure requires simultaneous pushing a button with foot and pushing scope to horizontal.
Controller: UAL21, descend and maintain FL310
Another controller, seeing "Bill" strugle with PVD: Need some help Bill?
Controller (hot mic): I can't get this son-of-a-*@%! to go down!
UAL21: Center, we're descending as fast as we can...
I was working the d-side and I saw a pair that didn't look good. So being a good d-side I ask my R-side if I could play with his DIK (direct input keyboard). We call it the ####. So, little did I know that when I asked to play with the DIK, I was keyed up.
Not a slip up but when I was working Thule approach at Nellis I had a run in with a mouthy female canyon runner pilot. It went like this:
Vision 49: "Nellis approach Vision 49 with you at the mine with X-ray."
Me: "Vision 49 information Yankee now current at North Las Vegas, Altimeter 29.86"
Vision 49: (Sarcastic Voice) "Well I think X follows Y."
Me: (Without a moments hesitation and even more sarcastically) Oh really, well lets see, W, X, Y, Z...no I think Yankee is current.
The male copilot made all the radio calls after that and I could hear the chuckle in his voice. It was probably my most satisfying punking of a pilot in my 24 year ATC career.